Life lessons by a rural, snobbish girl

I'm at that dangerous stage in a woman’s life, where I'm unapologetic about who I am. I’ve been labeled as “too western”, “a snob”, “full of attitude”, “rude”, “too much”, "bitchy"…But, here's the thing about growing up: it’s easier to give less fucks and, you don’t even feel guilty about it!

DISCLAIMER!

These are my life lessons as a rural, black girl who has mostly navigated white spaces via school, work and socially. It's a collection of my subjective truths really. You may or may not relate. I don’t claim to have it all figured out, by the way, I certainly don't! But, in my 33 years of living, these are the things that I wish I had known earlier and those that I know for sure.

1. Life is entirely, utterly and completely a mental game! I don’t think I need to expand on this because there is a lot of literature about how our minds are powerful tools in the game of life. “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he…” Proverbs 23:7.
2. Don’t be friends with people who are friends with your enemies. Comprende?
3. Listen to your gut! How many times have you ignored the voice inside you only to come back and be humbled by that same force? A lot of us do it! Before typing that I'm on my way reply, a voice says “Girl, he rocks Rolex, is at Michelangelo Hotel, handsome AF, does not live in the country…he just wants some cookie!” But nooo! You are a liker of things. And you think that you are special because you are pretty and intelligent. And you want love from those types. The next day you're making your way to your room feeling cheap and dirty after he stashed a couple of 100 USD notes in your bag. Trust, he won’t be calling to check on you later.
4. Listen to your gut, even more so, when it comes to friends, money and business. When I lost the biggest business deal of my life, one of the partners (also a friend then) said, “it was inevitable, unfortunately.” Imagine! Anyway, I later hated to admit to myself that my gut had warned me not to bring them on board. But, I rationalised that it’ll be purely business. Boy, was I wrong!
5. Sometimes even old friendships come to an end. It is not a fact that friendships that last more than seven years will last forever. Life simply doesn't work that way!

6. Family is all you got, fam! True story. Let me put it this way: your friends would not be permitted to handle your business should you die. It’s only family who can do that. 
7. Life is a ting when you learn you grow. In whatever industry you choose, develop a passion for learning. That whole “Cassper Nyovest didn’t even complete matric” talk ain’t gon get you nowhere! Learning means you will never cease to grow.
8. Drinking to get stupid drunk is uncouth. You'll wake up in places you don't know. Say things you'll regret. Do things that'll make you cringe at yourself the next day.
9. Not everybody will be happy for you. There are some dangerous people out there. Be careful who you trust and open up to.
10. Ride for those who ride for you. Try not to be a selfish taker throughout your life. Give your time, money and love to those who do the same for you.

11. Motivation is like taking a bath, you need it every day. Download an app that has motivational quotes if you must! But, do not leave it to the forces of Satan to overtake you! Take control of your motivation levels by refueling daily!
12. Love and give without expectation or you may end up being disappointed, angry, and bitter. For example, when you decide to buy a lover a gift, let it be out of a place of sincere giving. Don’t do it because you expect something back. You’ll be bitterly disappointed!
13. Buddha says "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." How long will you hold on to the pain? Whatever the cause or severity, you'll have to let it go at some point. And, the sooner, the better.
14. Eat sushi as much as possible! Especially salmon roses. No, seriously. I know how some of my black peeps feel about sushi. I am talking here about the idea of doing more of the things that you enjoy. Whatever they are. 

15. Invest in traveling. You’ll enjoy an inspired and colourful life. They say it also makes us modest because we get to see what a tiny place we occupy in the world.
16. The love that you're outchea seeking, do you have any for yourself? One of the most important projects you’ll ever embark on is project 'Self Love' – they don’t teach this at school by the way! It’s a lot of work but it’s also a worthwhile project. It’ll save you from collecting a lot of baggage along the way. After all, you don’t want to be the Bag Lady in Erykah's song.
17. Be picky about who you let into your honeypot. Be stingy with your vagina! Do not rush into sexual relations. There'll come a point in your married life where you'll be making all sorts of excuses to run away from the D! So, vala mathanga ghel, what's the rush?
18. You do not need retail clothing accounts. I repeat you do not need retail clothing accounts. Not Edgars. Not Foschini. Not Truworths. Buying power. Six months to pay. Interest-free. It’s an unnecessary trap, stay away from it.
19. Invest some time into physical exercise and a healthy diet - easier said than done, I know! But trust, you’ll need it as you get older. This is the age of “slowing metabolisms”, “hormonal imbalances”, “fibroids”…don't make things worse for your body.

20. Own your story and be proud of who you are and where you come from. This’ll take you far. 
21. Related to the this, there’s a lot of value in being true to oneself. Angelique Kidjo, Sho Madlozi, Shekhinah, Sjava, …just a few names that pop into my head when I search for individuals who are true to themselves and stay winning as a result.
22. There’s a powerful, poignant and overly used phrase by Maya Angelou, which says, “when people show you who they are, believe them.” Girl, best believe them! Don’t make excuses for them. See people for who they are, not what you want them to be.
23. Keep your word. And communicate honestly and openly, if you are unable to. This’ll help you maintain a lot of important relationships in your life. Be it business or personal. 

24. Read! Don’t be ignorant. I know reading an entire book is an achievement for ma2000, but there are countless pockets of knowledge all over the Internet. Subscribe to some industry newsletters; visit a news site once in a while, broaden your reading scope. Don’t be that ignorant girl who proudly utters, “I don’t know anything about soccer!” It’s not cute.
25. Lastly, God is for us all! Seek him and you’ll find peace.

Have you got any life lessons that you would like to add here? Perhaps you disagree with some of the points I've made here?  Or maybe you relate! Please drop your thoughts and pearls of wisdom in the comments section 👇👇 , I look forward to it!