To Love and Loathe Lasgidi

I've spent 176 days of 2019 in Lagos, Nigeria. It wasn’t my first time there, but it was the longest I’ve ever stayed. Dichotomous scenarios exist side by side in Africa’s most populated city: it’s welcoming, aggressive, affluent, poor, pristine, dirty, modern, traditional…much like a lot of cities across the continent, I suppose.

Lagos, Victoria Island, Landmark Beach.

I mostly navigated the city in middle-class spaces: hotels, restaurants, clubs, malls, and apartments, mainly in Ikeja and Victoria Island.  There, I’d be hanging out with other Lagosians who earn more than the N30 000 (just over R1200) minimum living wage. Our base was a hotel with a steady supply of electricity and water; the team had a driver and security guards who would shamelessly ask you to “bless them with something”, heavily guarded the MultiChoice, Ilupeju offices we worked from.

A Danfo bus parked outside of MultiChoice offices, at No. 4 Industrial Street, Ilupeju.

I got exposed to different sides of Nigeria's biggest city, albeit not exhaustively. I came to love a few things about it in the process and, I came to hate some things about it too.

TO LOATHE…

• It’s a hard knock life

The lingering presence of a hard knock life is ever-present despite hanging out in the Radisson Blues, The Georges and the Eko Hotels of Lagos. It glares at you when you are stuck in that legendary traffic. People are crisscrossing, begging, hawking, hustling…sometimes in scorching 40-degree heat! On sale is anything from nuts, hats, teddy bears to handkerchiefs.

A Danfo bus. A water hawker.

I also encountered it from the SUV that I was being driven in when I tried to go to Elegushi Market after it had rained heavily. The entire area was flooded and people were walking in the knee-high water as though it ain’t a thing! “Na so e be every year,” said Sunday the driver when he noticed my strained face in the back through his front mirror.

A flooded street on the way to Oba Elegushi International Market.

We also got lost in Isale Eko, downtown Lagos one time. The litter, the grime, the density of the buildings, the open sewages, the roads that were difficult to navigate even in an SUV…I was having an internal battle as I was registering what my eyes were seeing. A part of me wanted to take out my iPhone and snap some pics while another part held me back. I felt shame for wanting to turn their everyday hard knock life into “riveting imagery” for my blog. 

Driving out of downtown Lagos, Isale Eko, en-route to joining the third mainland bridge.

• Madam, I no get change!

I tolerated the “madam, I no get change,” stories from the Uber driver, the Keke driver, the chicken dust vendor and cashier at Spar for some time. I rationalised to myself that it’s a small amount - N200/ ±R8 - until I noticed that it had become a trend! My longtime friend Olabisi confirmed my suspicion that I was being swindled. “Your accent gives you away, they know you are not local,” she explained.

Gucci foot mat in one of my numerous Uber rides.

I knew I had to nip it in the bud before it got out of hand! To the Uber driver I began to make them buy me airtime to the value of my change. With the chicken dust hawker I entered into a binding agreement that factors in my change for my next purchase of mild peri peri half chicken which I would often have with the most basic Green salad from Barcelos.

Salad from Barcelos, GRA, Ikeja. 

One time I lost it with a Keke driver who wanted to charge me N500 for a N200 trip. With the best Pidgin English I could master and that exaggerated 9ja woman tantrum, I screamed “Oga, I will not commot from this your Keke if I no get my change!” I ended up getting a free ride.

It obviously was not the driver of this Keke that I fought with.

• Na only God go save us o!

From the middle-class occupants of white-collar jobs to the security guards who are at every establishment, a worrying majority of Nigerians seem to genuinely believe that God will be the troubled West African giant’s savior. It seems to me that they have resigned themselves to the situation and have given up their power as citizens. They all lament “bad leadership” as though there is absolutely nothing they can do to change the situation. It’s no wonder then, that religion is such a flourishing business over there! According to Forbes, four of the top ten richest pastors in the world are from Nigeria.

Caught in that legendary Lagos traffic.

• The legendary Lagos traffic

People stop running their cars and take a quick nap in Lagos traffic. A 10-kilometer distance can take hours to cover in Lagos traffic. I have legit once sat in Mainland to Victoria Island four-hour Lagos traffic. On any given day – be it a Sunday afternoon, Tuesday late morning or Friday after midnight – you could get caught up in Lagos traffic. 

Lagosians will tell you that you’ve gotta know when and how to move. But, in my experience, no matter how much you plan your trips and obey your Google map, that legendary Lagos traffic go catch you somehow!

Victoria Island, Lagos traffic from a tenth-floor apartment at the famous 1004 Estate.

• Dirty dey everywhere!

There is a big plastic culture in Lagos. ‘Nylon’ they call it. The till packer at Spar would pack each of my three items in their own plastic bag: the almost R240 bottle of Nederburg Cabernet Sauvignon, two imported grapefruits at over R50 a pop and a Toblerone. I struggled with this and would always fit all three in one bag and leave the other two on the counter, much to the bemusement of the staff. That nylon, along with empty bottles of water and other various items made out of plastic can be seen in the streets and open drainage systems across the city.

Artwork made out of recycled material at Nike Art Gallery.

TO LOVE… 

Before you get your knickers in a knot and think there’s nothing to Love about Lagos, read on!

• A vaaarb!

Despite all its inequalities, conmen, piousness, pollution and legendary traffic, Lagos is still a city with a vaarb! It could be the beauty and warm-heartedness of its people. Or maybe it’s in the variety of establishments that cater to every taste as long as you have the Naira to pay. What of the lively night light life with various events, clubs and a big turn up culture? Whatever the reason, there's always a vaarb in the G-Wagon, Danfo, Keke and human traffic-filled streets of Lagos. 

Dress by The 10k Shop.

• A vibrant fashion culture

Nigerian designers for me are ten steps ahead of the rest of the continent. The things they create with Ankara have catapulted it to more than just fabric for typically African designs but one that works perfectly for tailored suits, handbags, shoes, home decor and much, much more. Some of my absolute favourite brands are from this country!

Agbada by The Fia Factory.

It's a pity a lot of them are obsessed with overpriced European brands by people who have openly been quoted as saying that their products are not meant for black people. Imagine what it would do for the fashion industry if they poured as many dollars into it as they do into the much-hyped Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Christian Dior and the rest. Anyway, that's probably a topic for another day sha. Las las I will be accused of being Xenophobic even though there is some truth here. Let me be coming and going...

Oyin lace kaftan by Ethnyk Shop.

Nonetheless, what brands like Femi Handbags, Joel Lani, Lisa Folawiyo, Moofa Designs, Ituen Basi, She's Deluxe, The Fia Factory and Okiki Marrinho, amongst others, do to elevate the Nigerian fashion game is one of my favourite things about Lasgidi. My future dream wardrobe has tons of custom-made items from the aforementioned brands and many more that I cannot all name here.

Guns bulging. Skin glistening.

• Different, beautiful shades of black people

People that are not black stand out in Lagos. Except for the two Big Brother Task Department Afrikaaner girls I'd see at the office, I could legit go a week without seeing a white person. Instead, the offices, streets, restaurants, and malls are filled with black people in every shade of melanin on the spectrum. Don’t even get me started on the boys: Guns bulging. Skin glistening. Features pronounced…kai, Naija boys dey fine!

• Gbedu enter body!

Whether it’s an over the top wedding, an owambe or a turn-up session at the club, Lagosians don’t joke when it comes to looking good and having a good time. The Asoebi, the drinks, the small and the big chops, they all gotta be on point! When its time for gbedu to seriously enter body, Lagosians forget that they are living in an imploding country.  

  

• Naija no dey carry las!

Nigerians have a world-famous can-do attitude. It is said that if you move to a country and do not spot a single Nigerian, you ought to know that there’s no money to be made there! I suppose when you come from a country where things largely don’t work and you find yourself in an enabling environment, naturally you’ll excel. I mean, is there any sphere where you don’t find Nigerians? From athletics to science to entertainment and everything in between, Nigerians are making a mark in all spheres of society. 



Na only God knows when all that collective wisdom and experience will one day be used to build what can easily be the greatest country in the world 😉